After principal Tonya King denied junior Jim Stack’s request to grow his hair out for Locks of Love Stack wrote a letter to the school board asking them to reconsider. The school board will vote on this issue on Monday.
“Donating my hair to Locks of Love is a very special project to me,” Stack said. “When we received my sister [Jasmine’s] wig, she was so happy.”
Locks of Love is an organization that helps provide sick people with a wig made of human hair to look as natural as possible. Every month they receive about 200 request and end up having to turn 150 families away.
“After I reach my goal of 10 inches [of hair], I hope to inspire more people in town to grow your hair and donate it.” Stack said.
The schools handbook states that male’s hair can not be below collar level. Stack agreed if he could grow his hair out he would tuck it into his shirt to keep from distraction the other students. Principal King did not agree to the compromise.
“We have rules for a reason and we just can’t go breaking them anytime we want. I can’t bend the rules for one student.” King said.
King offered to support a school wide fundraiser instead. The school board received a letter from the Locks of Love president, Gisel Roco, that said Stack was a good candidate for donation and he had a letter of permission from his parents.
“I don’t know how many teenagers today would put so much time and effort into helping someone else.” Stack’s mother Holly Stack said.
The student council wrote a letter to the school board in support of Stack’s movement with 350 student signatures, 78 were male. Due to the letter, school board president Bill Valdez called members to a vote next Monday.
“I can not comment on this issue until next week.” Valdez said.
Good Job!
Things that I saw that were right:
You had strong quotes.
Your lead is a good length and gets to the point.
Everything flows very well.
Things that I saw wrong:
The sentence “The school board received a letter a letter from the Locks of love president Gisel Roco saying that they would rather have hair than money and Stack had a letter of permission from his parents.” doesn’t really flow well. It is a little lengthy and “Stack had a letter of permission from his parents” should probably be its own sentence. The “l” in “love” should be capitalized in Locks of Love. Also, there should probably be some commas before and after Gisel Roco’s name to make the sentence not sound too long.
That’s mainly all I saw. Good job!
-Sydney S.
1.GREAT!!!!! I like how you told all the information we needed to know to understand this story in your lead.
2. How I’m able to read this with not problem is a good thing and makes this story that much great. 🙂
3. The quote in this would be better ( in my opinion ) with the fact that student council send a letter with other students willing to donate hair to Locks of Love.
4. Make sure you go back into your story and make sure you look that all of the words that should be capitals are.
After principal Tonya King denied junior Jim Stack’s request to grow his hair out for Locks of Love Stack wrote a letter to the school board asking them to reconsider. The school board is set to meet next Monday to vote. JUST SAY THE SCHOOL BOARD WILL VOTE ON THIS ISSUE MONDAY.
“Donating my hair to Locks of Love is a very special project to me,” Stack said. “When we received my sister [Jasmine’s] wig, she was so happy.”
Locks of Love is an organization that helps provide sick people with a wig made of human hair to look as natural as possible. Every month they receive about 200 request and end up having to turn 150 families away.
“After I reach my goal of 10 inches [of hair], I hope to inspire more people in town to grow your hair and donate it.” Stack said.
The schools handbook states that male’s hair can not be below collar level. Stack agreed if he could grow his hair out he would tuck it into his shirt to keep from distraction the other students. Principal King did not agree to the compromise.
“We have rules for a reason and we just can’t go breaking them anytime we want. I can’t bend the rules for one student.” King said.
King offered to support a school wide fundraiser instead. The school board received a letter from the Locks of love president Gisel Roco saying that they would rather have hair than money and Stack had a letter of permission from his parents. DID THE LETTER ACTUALLY SAY ALL OF THIS.
“I don’t know how many teenagers today would put so much time and effort into helping someone else.” Stack’s mother Holly Stack said.
The student council wrote a letter to the school board in support of Stack’s movement with 350 student signatures, 78 were male. Due to the letter, school board president Bill Valdez called members to a meeting next Monday. I DON’T KNOW THAT THEY CALLED A MEETING, BE CAREFUL ABOUT MAKING ASSUMPTIONS.
“I can not comment on this issue until next week at the meeting.” Valdez said. DID HE ACTUALLY SAY THIS. DOUBLE-CHECK THE QUOTE.